Tuesday, September 14, 2010

New York, I Love You

I really, really miss home. LA has been fun and it's been great to explore, but I feel like I've tapped LA out. I'm not sure there is much more to explore. So now, I'm left with some major decisions to make. Do I move out of this hell-hole that I live in now and move west (closer to work, but more money in rent) or do I stick it out here (with bugs/shootings/no parking) and try to save money to move back. Also, am I giving up on LA? I'm having a hard time meeting people I like, my dating life has been lack-luster, but I love my job and my therapist here in LA. Will going back to NY make me feel better? I know I will never have a shortage of things to do in NY, but friends and dating will probably be the same. What kind of job will I be able to find there? Should I take the bar? The economy? Ugh. I don't know.

I guess it all depends on how quick I want to move back. Oh, and money... I did look on Craig's List for apartments - I think I can afford Brooklyn. That might be a dream come true!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Dating Might Just Kill Me

Dating is kicking my ass. Had a date this weekend. I was super nervous and wasn't completely on my A-game. Overall, the date was fine. But now, all I hear is crickets coming from the other side. No bueno. Dudes suck.

Monday, August 30, 2010

An Eschatological Laundry List

An Eschatological Laundry List

From 'If you Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him' by Sheldon Kopp, with profound thanks for the gift of his life

1. This is it.
2. There are no hidden meanings.
3. You can't get there from here, and besides there is no place to go.
4. We are already dying, and we'll be dead a long time.
5. Nothing lasts!
6. There is no way of getting all you want.
7. You can't have anything unless you let go of it.
8. You only get to keep what you give away.
9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.
10. The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there's no compensation for misfortune.
11. You have the responsibility to do your best nonetheless.
12. It's a random universe to which we bring meaning.
13. You really don't control anything.
14. You can't make anyone love you.
15. No one is any stronger or any weaker than anyone else.
16. Everyone is, in his own way, vulnerable.
17. There are no great men.
18. If you have a hero, look again; you have diminished yourself in some way.
19. Everyone lies, cheats, pretends. (yes, you too, and most certainly myself.)
20. All evil is potentially vitality in need of transformation.
21. All of you is worth something if you will only own it.
22. Progress is an illusion.
23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.
24. Yet it is necessary to keep struggling toward solution.
25. Childhood is a nightmare.
26. But it is so very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-cause-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up.
27. Each of us is ultimately alone.
28. The most important things each man must do for himself.
29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
30. We have only ourselves, and one another. That may not be much, but that's all there is.
31. How strange, that so often, it all seems worth it.
32. We must live within the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power, and partial knowledge.
33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.
34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do.
35. No excuses will be accepted.
36. You can run, but you can't hide.
37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.
38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.
39. The only victory lies is in surrender to oneself.
40. All of the significant battles are waged within the self.
41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.
42. What do you know for sure...anyway?
43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

fuck

I think I blew something. Why am I such a retard sometimes? Not feeling good about it and now I'm anxious. Grrr.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Love, where are you?


I know all the sayings: the timing wasn't right, he's not the right one for you, stop looking for love, blah, blah, but it's been a long time and I'm ready. I'm ready for love. Why is it so hard find? And how true is this?! It's on a building in San Francisco. Pretty cool.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Long Time No Post

Wow, so much has happened in the last 3 months I don't even know where to begin! I started a new job, I went to trial on a case from work (we won!), I went to trial on the stabbing in my building (we lost), I met a guy, I lost a guy, I've made some new friends, I've gone up to San Francisco twice, got a new little tattoo, saw Joan Jett live, and shit, I don't know what else. But that's what I've been up to.